Just a lot going on

Where do I begin? The amount of things I have to learn this weekend for three of my finals on Tuesday is stupid. I’m going to be studying for hours on hours and days on days o boy I love finals. I already feel the stress griping at me waiting to absorb my being. To add on to that I have been feeling quite shitty today. A bit sad, depressed the usual for me every once and while and that mixed with stress is never good. I just feel a bit broken like I always had this impression that time heals all wounds. I want to believe it but in reality that doesn’t happen because wounds scar. Scars are the life time reminder of your wound whether mentally or physically wounded. Maybe I will feel better in the morning and this feeling sort of came out of no where today but I do know what was the catalyst to this feeling. I just wish I had someone I could talk to like a good listener who wouldn’t be sick of me talking about it. I guess I do lack a real emotional outlet but what can you do life isn’t fair and it probably won’t ever be at least for me. I can’t believe I feel all these shitty feelings like jealously, sorrow and hatred like what is wrong with me haha I guess sleep is the only thing that will make me feel better. 

In the world of my Pokemon White 2 nuzlocke it started off as a sad day. Matt the Gigalith died in a triple battle today. His sturdy got broken and then a Vibrava hit him with a super effective critical hit earth power. I REALLY miss Matt since Gigalith is one of my favorite Pokemon of 5th gen. I really wish I could of beaten the game with good old Matt like he was SO ready to use explosion in the Elite 4. I caught and evolved a lot of things today. Sara is officially a Chandulure and Helena became a Drapion and both of them RUN TRAIN. Sara only knows how to kill and she is quite fast which is nice. I caught a MALE COMBEE TODAY which is THE WORST Pokemon to ever exist since it can’t even evolve because it is a male, so I had to name it after Bryan because Bryan is a male Combee. I caught a Jellicent and named it Kwasi, caught a Wailmer and named it Kathy and I caught a Diftblom and named it Alexis. I might of caught more things O YEA I CAUGHT A Dusion who is named after Conner! I am so pump for it to become a Reniclus. Since Matt died I replaced Matt with Isaac the Excadrill who has a perfect move set and will hopefully win this nuzlocke for me. I finished playing after I beat the 7th gym which wasn’t hard at all since Excadrill sponges all dragon hits like it is his job. I took Donnie off the team and replaced him with Conner because Donnie just can’t survive the Elite 4 and I have this huge fighting weakness on my team so this switch up fixes that. 

I finished watching season 2 of Shameless. This show is the most surprising thing I have ever seen on TV like no one ever talks about it but yet this show is perfect and deserves more attention from the world. This show can break me down to tears, it has already done it 4 times which is pretty damn crazy since at the max a show can make me cry like twice. The shit that happens is too crazy and the characters are so well written, like no one is really black or white it is all different shades of grey. I also love the connection I have with the different characters like with Karen I actually hate her so much, if I ever the actress who plays her in public I would call her a worthless bitch. Please do yourself a favor and watch Shameless it is the most under appreciated show on TV! 

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A mildly interesting post.

Well I went to my first legit black party tonight and I have to say it was an experience but I’m not totally sure if I want to do it again but I’m glad I went. It was like 100 people on the first floor which is just a kitchen and a living room, it got hot really fast and everyone was shoulder to shoulder. Then the lights went out and the twerk fest began, I saw some things that I’m pretty sure I could live without but it happened. It got to the point where denim was irrelevant compared to the force of a dude and a girl’s giant ass. My friend and I just chilled and had some fun, most of the time was trying to find cold air and not pass out from all the heat. Also I hate sweat, I’m pretty sure I could of filled up a bottle with all of it, the worse thing is most of it isn’t mine…The party because some people got kicked out of the party so then they pulled the fire alarm, like really guys why do that, so the cops and fire fighters came so we dipped and I am now eating some IHop. 
I also learned today that some people will always be shitty no matter what you do or they do to fix it. Some things you can’t change, like if you are naturally a shitty person but you try to cover it up it will eventually surface at one point or another.
I decided last night I wanted to start a dream journal. I figure it would be interesting to uncover what I dream of and what it all really means. I would of started it this morning but my phone is a brick and I didn’t have pen and paper close by to record it but I do remember having a lucid dream. I want to have one tonight but it is a hell of a lot harder to have a lucid dream when you drink. 
Overall I had a pretty solid day and maybe this will continue through out the weekend. 

In a slump

Lets start this off with some good news; I feel like I’m getting better everyday and I’m hurting a lot less than before so if I keep this up then I’ll be fine by the weekend. Other than that not much has happened today like I guess I am just tired of school at this point and just want summer to begin. 21 more days and then finals week, after that we will see what happens because I’m not totally sure what will happen. Today I did realize I’m tired of big triple A games like I can’t finish my Bioshock Infinite 1999 mode run since I’m just so not into it. I couldn’t play the Jak and Daxter collection or Borderlands 2 again, maybe because I have beaten both those games before and DLC isn’t enough for me to get pumped. The next big game I am looking forward to is The Last of Us which I know will be good but after that I’m not totally sure, maybe the next Tales game but other than that I am looking at smaller games like games on the PSN. PSN games have been neglected by me like I haven’t played as many as I should of but I wanted to fix that today. I bought Guacamelee which just came out today on PSN which you should pick up since I have only seen great reviews for it. It is also a cross buy game which means you get the Vita version for no extra charge. Tomorrow I will play it and I might have impressions up for it so look forward to that. I guess I’ve been going through a low point in my life and not even games are really appealing to me, sigh…the fact that a broken heart can do this to me, emotions are unfair and suck haha. Another thing that sucks is that my phone is a paper weight now since the battery is pretty much totally dead, it can’t hold a charge for longer than 5 minutes which makes me feel naked when I leave the house and I can’t check for time for shit. I really should invest in a watch or I’ll ask for one on my birthday because not being able to tell time just ruins everything and also not being able to make plans with people since your phone is dead. I can not wait for this new battery to come in the mail, and more importantly my upgrade in June and I might get an iphone 5 since why not I haven’t heard of anyone having there iphone battery just die for no reason. 

I just want Thursday to come so I can party again, but not too hard….never again haha

Time to move on.

Lets get this straight, today sucked so much right when I woke up. Everything I was working towards failed like I ate with the girl I like and then she told me about the guy she liked and kept on talking and talking about him. I’m so hurt, I thought I had something here for a bit and then I got thrown out like yesterdays trash. It only took like a week of being ignored and shit to find out,  also the fact that she knew how I felt and yet she treated it like this with always talking about him, I feel really disrespected. I’m beyond hurt and sad and I don’t deserve this shit but you know what, fuck the bullshit I am better than this like so much better than this. Her lost she missed out on a great person and I hope she enjoys the decision she made. I am really hurt and hopefully after this weekend I won’t care but I do feel like I am dead and I am every hateful right now but its all part of the bullshit. I don’t have time for shit like this anyways and this could be a blessing like maybe I dodged a bullet here, if she is willing to do that to me then what shit would she pull if we got serious. Thank god for my amazing friends helping me get through this and making me feel awesome like they really showed me that I didn’t fuck up and that I shouldn’t have ever wanted a thing here. Just saying I am never going to be used ever again and she is so cut off like I don’t care anymore you made your choice now live with it. 
I did have a great time after all of that. My friends got food with me and talked things out and everything. I went to my first Friday which is this art exhibit in Richmond which got me really inspired. I got so trashed with some friends and I made some new friends as well. I am not going to hold myself back anymore like just because I feel like shit doesn’t mean it should effect me like this, life is all about having fun and doing what you want. She isn’t even worth it. I am Anthony and the hype train can not be stopped especially by the likes of her. 

Persistent and Evil Dead talk.

Yesterday was quite a depressing day for me and not much has changed today but I am trying to turn this around. I know can do it, its just a matter of time that it happens. It is all about finding something good like hope, or the will to get over it. I choose hope this time around, I’m not down for the count and I am still in this. Sometimes it can look bleak like yesterday but today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I got control of my thoughts and just started to think of things like its not over yet, I have seen crazier things happen and miracles do exist. If I play my cards right then I can come out a winner so that is what I will do. It does help to have great friends to talk to you about things like this, without them I would feel terrible and I might not be where I am right now. 
Things school wise have been fantastic like I could only dream about the grades I’ve been getting. I got an A on my History midterm, an A on my French midterm (HOW DID I PULL THAT OFF?!?!?!?!) and on my last two Story quizzes I got perfect scores and a B on the last project. I really impressed myself here, I didn’t think this is possible and maybe just maybe I could at least get one A this semester which would be a great help to my GPA. 
I went to see a pre-release of Evil Dead today, I’m pretty terrible with horror movies like I was on the verge of crying at one point. I am afraid of a lot of scary movies but not for the whole time but this movie is different, the movie gets in to it quickly and keeps the scares going through out. The movie is really creepy, gory, scary and sometimes really funny which I loved. This has to be the one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. Their is a good chance that I will have nightmares and I do believe will be forever scared of this one part in the movie where this girl cuts off her face. Also tree rape is really uncomfortable, even more than regular rape. Apparently more Evil Dead movies are going to be made after this one so I do hope we get a remake of Army of Darkness, that movie is TOO GOOD! 

Anyways, See you later Space Cowboy.

A bit of a vent.

Its been an alright day. I got my 9 shirts that I ordered today which is awesome since new clothes comes with new found swag and overall happiness. The internet has been really fun today since it’s April Fools day which I usually find annoying but not this year. This site I go on for competitive Pokemon battles online called pokemon showdown replaced all the Pokemon sprites with sprites created by the community, ranging from really good artwork to things created in MS paint and just some funny ass stupid things. Its all I played all day haha I just really love my Pokemon and adding this twist to it made community more fun which in turn makes me have more fun. 
I’ve been having trouble lately though on the subject of being happy. I know this is what I pride myself on is that I can always be happy and I can stand up to whatever to putting me down but sometimes you just can’t be happy. I didn’t give up though because I am not a quitter but maybe that is the issue here, maybe I should give up and just move on. You can’t win every battle and not every battle is a winnable even with 100% effort. Naturally I am persistent and I don’t want to give up like everything was going great at one point but then slowly things got worse. I’m not sure if its my fault or not maybe this is what was going to happen no matter what but that isn’t something I am willing to accept. What bothers me the most is how much of an issue this is causing me , this shouldn’t be effecting me this much but it is and Its so stressful. At this point I’m just hurting myself but if everything works out then its totally worth it but at this point it is hard to be optimistic. I feel the distance increasing whether I like it or not and I’m going to need a huge power play to bring myself back into this. Honestly I wish I could just chill out and let things run its course and maybe I’ll be on top at the end but for some reason I can’t, I’m trying to but so far its a no go. Time will tell though, no matter what state I am in or whether I am ready or not. Things will always be moving and I just really want things to move faster since this purgatory like wait sucks. I can’t believe I just wrote a whole post about this and yet I can’t even mention the problem, I hate how it is impossible to be 100% anonymous anymore. I can’t express how I truly feel without someone getting hurt and going ape shit on me. Always being held back by what people think and care about and I wish I could just say and do whatever I wanted but I can’t not even here, this blog is just a prison for my thoughts, I am my own jailer and people are the warden. Maybe one day I will let myself reach full freedom but today is not that day. Time can only tell and hopefully when the day comes I am ready for either outcome. In the mean time I will do my best to get over it and try to reach my full potential because I’ve said this before no one likes a mopey depressing person, its all about being the happiest you can be and embrace it. 

SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!!

Photo: The Baltimore Ravens are World Champions!

RAVENS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!!! HYPE CITY EVERYWHERE YES!!!!! Honestly I’m still shocked that whole game was an emotional roller coaster specially after that power outage! I feel like Beyonce(the most beautiful women in the world) used all the power in the stadium. The whole situation is Illuminati like or something the WWE does. It doesn’t matter at the end because they WON!!! I have to say that Flacco is an elite QB after this Super Bowl win, he also won the MVP award. I’m also so happy that Ray Lewis gets to retire on his second Super Bowl win today like damn what a lucky guy. I also have to thank the punter, he managed to waste 8 whole seconds at the end of the game with 12 left on the clock, he needs a pay raise!  
The adds weren’t half bad either…